Self-help is stupid.

Let’s admit it. We have all had the thought that self-help is stupid. Often we find that understanding to be complimentary to “Why do I have to do all this damn healing?” At least that was my experience. I have felt both incredibly overwhelmed and underwhelmed by this entire self-help thing. I have even questioned myself and my ability to truly step into healing, considering my childhood trauma was so impactful in the way I used to show up for myself. Having an ACE Score of ten really fucked me up.

I remember the first time I read a self-help book, Eckhard Tolle — A New Earth. It was a gift from a friend’s girlfriend. This was the summer of 05,’ and I was in a pretty dark place. I was nineteen, working full-time at Wendy’s as a manager. Instead of spending the summer drinking, hooking up, and staying up late, I was telling teenagers and people old enough to be my father not to oversalt the fries. Not to mention I worked awful hours and had no social life. Needless to say, that book was divine timing because I needed some kind of meaning in my life.

Fast forward to today, and I have consumed self-help ad nauseam. Hell, I even wrote a self-help book myself, and do you know what? Self-help is stupid, but only when you don’t create a framework around it. About eight years ago, I found myself having an existential battle — does self-help work, or am I wasting my time and money? All…